One of the problems with being a
sketchy flaky “free spirit” like myself is that you find yourself having difficulty making deep connections with others. I try not to get too close to people because I know one of us, probably myself, will eventually leave. I know a lot of people living in every corner of the globe. But I can count my close friends on my fingers.
So every new job I start, since I never last more than six months at one, I enjoy hanging out with coworkers, but I’m not sure what will happen to the friendships once I leave the country, for whatever amount of time. Most of the time they fade away. It’s the same with showing up in a new city. The people you meet most likely won’t become good friends.
I can’t lie and say the solo travel life isn’t lonely sometimes. You want to share certain experiences with people. To actually be in a picture without showing your awkward arm in a self portrait. To share expenses with.
I used to be so anxious about change. The smallest situations, like spending the night at a friend’s house or the first day at a new school, made me almost manic. I would go home immediately after waking up, even if that was at 6 a.m. I feel completely recovered as I now live for change. I’m constantly seeking new experiences, new people, new places. I can’t stay still for more than six months, it seems.
Sometimes I think I’m not cut out for this lifestyle. That I should settle down where most of my friends and family are. So that I wouldn’t miss those big life experiences, like friends getting married and having children. But then I remember how much I love it, even if it is lonely. I get to visit those few close friends in places like Austria, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, Turkey, Sweden and Canada. I just can’t give it up.
Well, Some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I’m scared you’ll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win