One of the problems with being a sketchy flaky “free spirit” like myself is that you find yourself having difficulty making deep connections with others. I try not to get too close to people because I know one of us, probably myself, will eventually leave. I know a lot of people living in every corner of the globe. But I can count my close friends on my fingers.
So every new job I start, since I never last more than six months at one, I enjoy hanging out with coworkers, but I’m not sure what will happen to the friendships once I leave the country, for whatever amount of time. Most of the time they fade away. It’s the same with showing up in a new city. The people you meet most likely won’t become good friends.
I can’t lie and say the solo travel life isn’t lonely sometimes. You want to share certain experiences with people. To actually be in a picture without showing your awkward arm in a self portrait. To share expenses with.
I used to be so anxious about change. The smallest situations, like spending the night at a friend’s house or the first day at a new school, made me almost manic. I would go home immediately after waking up, even if that was at 6 a.m. I feel completely recovered as I now live for change. I’m constantly seeking new experiences, new people, new places. I can’t stay still for more than six months, it seems.
Sometimes I think I’m not cut out for this lifestyle. That I should settle down where most of my friends and family are. So that I wouldn’t miss those big life experiences, like friends getting married and having children. But then I remember how much I love it, even if it is lonely. I get to visit those few close friends in places like Austria, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, Turkey, Sweden and Canada. I just can’t give it up.
Well, Some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I’m scared you’ll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win
cairinthecity
cairinthecity
cairinthecity
cairinthecity
cairinthecity
cairinthecity
cairinthecity
cairinthecity
I feel exactly the same as you do: nomadic, but still wanting to have my roots. There are a few people [at home] who I consider my best friends, and it’s for those relationships that I’m eager to return home. But I can’t help but feel like the WORLD is out there waiting for me to see it and experience it–I can’t stay in one place permanently!!! Like you, 6 months is a limit for me before I need to go out and explore somewhere new. This blog post really resonated with me–well written Caroline!!
Shireen recently posted..Making Real Life Decisions
Long time reader, first time post-er. I do really love your blog! I’m not quite as nomadic as you, but certainly in the last four years I’ve had about six different addresses in three different states and I know the feeling of not wanting to get too close to people because you know you’ll be moving on soon. I’ve actually just bought a house and have started to put down roots, so it’s been interesting trying to change that mindset. I know that I’ll always be a nomad at heart.
Thanks for commenting Shiromi! I feel like I will always have the nomadic mindset, even when I do settle down.
Haha, I’m a recovering change-phobe myself. Skype and Facebook are the biggest ways I keep in touch with my really close friends, those less close and the people I meet whilst travelling. Most of my really close friendships though are ones from home, not those made in short periods of time, though there are the odd exceptions.
So true! I’ve been lucky enough to find a few exceptions. Thanks for commenting, Lindsey.
I’ve been struggling with this a lot myself – currently, I’m just trying to not get attached to people because then I end up feeling guilty for leaving. Sometimes, though, people just slip into my life and I grasp onto those friendships, even knowing that they may only last for a while.
Also – that song. LOVE IT. I sing that verse all the time because it is completely my life.
Sky recently posted..Facing Fears: Whitewater Rafting in Panama